I Say What I Mean But I Don't Mean What I Say (mallot_wielder) wrote in gothsubculture,
I Say What I Mean But I Don't Mean What I Say

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"Flowers fade, the fruits of summer fade. They have their seasons, so do we."


Name: Heather Purri a.k.a. Skitty

(When I lived in NJ, I was "Cat," but when I moved to FL there was an Animé-Visual Kei girl who went by "Kat," so eventually my boyfriend came up with the nickname "Skitty," which-I'll giddily admit-is a Pokémon that resembles a cat. I identify myself as cat-like, but I don't actually tell that to my friends, they figure it out on their own somehow. ...It's truly flattering, in fact!)

Age: 16 [birthday - Feb. 25]

State/Country of residence: FL, U.S. - The Sunshine State where the houses have built-in fireplaces.

URL: Please visit my Yahoo! radio station!!

Length of time in the scene: All of my life, but most prevalent last year.

Until I moved to FL [where we don't have family members], my parents always had Halloween parties and, in our first house, decorations complete with fake body parts with real-looking fake blood were up all year long. I wasn't allowed to-nor had any desire to-watch T.V. until our second house, but, when I wasn't allowed to watch T.V., once I watched an episode of The Addams Family cartoon series and I was fascinated. Moreover, no matter where I've lived, I've always lived with ghosts. Only since last year have I actually encountered them myself [other family members have before me, possibly due to age]. I can't see them, but sometimes I'll hear them stomping next to me to get my attention, I'll hear them speak to me (but I'll be too scared and in denial to listen to the words usually), or feel them (for example, holding my hand). Sometimes I know bizarre things before they happen as well.
Not that those necessarily make me Goth, but that is my upbringing.

Occupation: *When* I'm done with school, I want to have a job such as telling politicians how to get votes, telling businesses how to sell their products, etc. I will get to that point by earning a Ph.D. in Anthropology (the study of ethnic groups throughout history). Which means I will disappear from the social world for about 16 years.

Education/academic achievement: In my opinion, taking Spanish classes is an achievement because I am attempting to overcome my never having been brought up as a Spanish-speaker, although my parents had originally intended otherwise. So far I've taken up to high school Spanish level 3 and I will take it to level 5. That may not sound like much, but I've been discriminated against by my Spanish-only-speaking family members and by people [almost all Hispanic] whom I went to middle school with, who almost all hated half-Hispanics even more than non-Hispanics, and half-Hispanics who only speak English above all [population: probably just me].
(I'm half Puerto Rican, half Italian. Can you say Westside Story? It's so cute.)

Musical taste and favorite bands:
When I lived in NJ, everyone was a Gangsta Thugg or Ghetto Fabulous [or you were just nothing like me]. They listened to strictly rap.

Although I listened to rap, I knew I wasn't "Ghetto Fabulous," so I dressed the way I felt and acted the way I felt. However, I had not even heard of different concepts such as Rock music, skateboards, Sci-Fi, etc.
My first exposure of Goth was when I saw The Queen of the Damned [because it had Aaliyah in it]. But I still didn't know what Goth was because it was a vampire movie.

When I moved to FL, I had a Ghetto Fabulous girl to show me around. The first non-gangsta person I saw was a Goth. I was *horrified*. I could have sworn that he was a real vampire (even though all he did was wear all black). He knew I was scared so he got up in my face and that made *me* as pale as a vampire. I wasn't stereotyping him as a vampire; I simply had never heard of a Goth, so I figured that he was a vampire. It is comical to look back to, infact.

the girl showing me around - "Don't worry about them. They usually sit out here because they don't eat lunch. They probably don't like the food we have here."
me - "Or they don't eat at all!!"

I eventually got sick of Rap/R&B/Hip-Hop and gradually started listening to Rock during commercial breaks. I got so bored with Rap/etc. that I gave up listening to music altogether. It left me so mundane and uninspired. One day, my dad was picking me up from school and Fall Out Boy was playing on the radio. I was about to turn the radio off, but then, all of a sudden, I came to the realization that I actually love Rock. From then on, I have been thoroughly *obsessed* with Rock.

My favorite type of Rock is Screamo, but I also really, really love revivals (Horror Punk, Gothic Rock, New Wave Revival, 60's Revival, Garage Rock Revival). Other Rock genres I like are Emo, Punk Rock, Pop Punk, & Goth Metal.
some of my favorites... H.I.M., My Chemical Romance, Aiden, Groovie Ghoulies, The Rasmus, The 69 Eyes, Orgy, Franz Ferdinand, The Bravery, No Doubt, Shakira, Weezer, etc.

Describe your personal look, style or distinctions in your appearance:
I love Japan's Elegant Gothic Lolita fashion craze, but I can't afford it at the moment. I also love white-face with red Halloween make-up under my eyes, but my parents won't let me wear them except on Halloween. Ah, the upside of moving out.

Make-Up -
I've always enjoyed drawing lines extending past my eyes, such as in dynastic Egyptian paintings. Lately, I've been drawing designs on my face with black eyeliner. For instance, once I drew a bible hanging down my eye from rosary beads and I wrote HOSSANA underneath, extending to mouth. Sometimes I mess with lipstick too, such as drawing it dripping from my lips like blood.

Jewelry -
If wristbands count, I have a H.I.M. heartagram covered in a crown of thorns, Viva La BAM, and one that says "Proud To Be AWESOME!!"

I have some cheap jewelry from the gift shop for The Revenge of the Mummy ride in the Universal Studios Orlando theme park. I also have several rosaries, some hoop earrings, a pair of heart-and-cross earrings, a pair of H.I.M. heartagram earings, a white gold high school class of '07 ring [you purchase them early], and a gold necklace with a red cross on it that my dad & paternal grandfather bought for me for my 16th birthday.

Cloths -
I try to wear cloths I want to get rid of to school so they wear out. Outside of school, I dress up, often in skirts. My favorite outfit is wearing my black & red velvet cape, my floral embossed pants, my floral embossed vest, and a long-sleeved shirt under the vest, preferably with a high collar.

Hobbies, activities, interests:
I'm gradually writing a book of short stories and poems, which I will self-publish with lulu.com

Anything involving a masquerade ball (songs, movies, books, plays, Animé, Manga) will mesmerize me obsessively.

Although interested in ancient civilizations [like Nubia] and in foreign countries [like Lebanon], I have an obsession with Mesoamerica [ancient central American civilizations], Puerto Rico, and anything having to do with Spain. I've been to Spain with by boyfriend once, and I venture to say that I may move there some day. I'm seriously considering taking Flamenco (a traditional Spaniard musical theatre form) classes.

my favorite artists -
Antoni Gaudí (architect, Spain) & Gregg Ortiz (doll-maker, Puerto Rico)

some of my favorite books -
The Queen of the Damned (by Anne Rice), Through The Looking-Glass And What Alice Found There (by Lewis Carroll), Ethan Frome (by Edith Wharton), etc.

some of my favorite movies -
(the 2004 version of) The Phantom of the Opera, (the 2005 version of) Oliver Twist, (the 2005 version of) Pride & Prejudice, etc.

Spiritual/philosophical/religious affiliation: I used to have my own beliefs, then I wanted to mix them-and aspects of other Asian religions-with the religion, Daoism [after all, it's typical in Asia to follow more than one philosophical and religious belief], but my course has changed because I [and my Catholic priest] believe that I have a divine mission to become closer to God through St. Barbara.
In summation [there are details saying *why* we believe this is God's will, if anyone wants to hear them], I have to pray at St. Barbara's Chapel in Salamanca, Spain, build a shrine in my house to her and the humanity of women throughout the ages, and subsequently become a Doctor of Philosophy [Ph.D.].

Goals, dreams (long/short term, personal/occupational): I consider myself old-fashioned and submissive and I have a *complete* fixation with the Victorian Era, so naturally what I consider to be the most important accomplishment of my life is that of Victorian women: their wedding.

I've only had one boyfriend so far, and we've been going out since Freshman year [we're currently Juniors] and we only love one another other more. Consequently, we're already planning our wedding [lots of years in advance].

Bizarre to note is that we asked each other out on Halloween without even realizing it was Halloween, and that we love drinking each other's blood.

To me, blood is symbolic of the inner workings of human beings. It travels through the mind, the heart, the eyes. For someone [usually a lover] to drink from it, and then vice versa, the two confirm that they intend to share what they believe [mind], what they feel [heart], how they see things [eyes] with one another. Inside and out [literal: blood - inside; flesh - outside].
When evidence is shown to those in doubt, they often believe. Blood is tangible, and so it seems to confirm the promise of exposing oneself for another.

"Life rests in the blood," Genesis 9:4

Moreover, there was ancient belief that the blood kept people from fading away entirely. I use that as a philosophy. If a person has not found meaning in life, then the person isn't ready to transpire to a different dimension or realm.

[In the Hindi religion, a person will keep reincarnating until he/she has no possible purpose left on the Earth.]

Do you consider yourself gothic? Why or why not?
Specifically, Victorian Goth. The more people that know I'm Goth, the better. :)
[Especially since people rarely know anything about me because I'm so quiet.]

Many people claim, "If you have to say you're Goth, you're not Goth," which you must be aware of by asking this question. But I find those remarks grotesquely offensive. Goth is often seen as a community in which people expose themselves vulnerably. If anything, I would liken such a claim to martyr in that the person may face rejection or discrimination of some sort as a result of their claim.

Also, many people describe themselves as a group, such as by saying "Muslim," because that group affects all aspects of their lives. That is, preference in music that speaks out to specifically them, the way they dress [such as having modesty perhaps], their mannerisms, their acceptance of other ethnic groups & other subcultures, etc.

How/why/when did you become gothic?
If I hadn't already been interested in being Goth, Japan's Elegant Gothic Lolita craze would have enticed me. Such beliefs explore the doll-like qualities humans are developing. The fashions are Victorian and Victorian-like since the bisque dolls came out in that era. Such dolls had human hair & teeth, could move, & could scream, which made them almost too human-like.

Such concepts can be found in the [2005] movie Kamikaze Girls [Shimotsuma Monogatari] and in quite a few Japanese comic books [Manga] and cartoons [Animé].
some of the comic books are -
DOLL by Mitsukazu Mihara
Dolls by Yumiko Kawahara
Godchild by Kaori Yuki

In your opinion, what is Goth?
I believe Goth is a gentle community in which people sympathize with one another and aim to give them a helping hand so that they may overcome their sorrows, and perhaps put them in a new, more optimistic, perspective.

I believe Goth is the cultivation of motley ideas conjured by intuition and influenced by different backgrounds.
[Goths tend to discuss one another's beliefs in order to hear even more opinions. Similarly, Goths tend to learn about many religions, simply for culture. In that, they like learning, but they don't necessarily have the same beliefs in what they learn.]

I believe Goth is symbolism. Take clothing for instance. Spikes don't allow people to get very close to one another. Suspenders, hand-cuffs, chain mail, etc. are burdens that weigh a person down in the direction of a potential underworld.

I believe Goth is theatrical flush mocking those who chose not to accept their hidden, inner feelings of lust, depression, hate, revenge. Those people who choose to dabble in scripted conversation (ex. "How are you?" "How was your day?" etc.) and ignore the sufferings of humanity.

I believe Goth is finding place in people's hearts for that which has been cast out from society by people's idealistic personal greed. That is, finding reasonable motive in disaster; finding potential in the seemingly irredeemable; finding peace in the execrable.

I believe Goth is a group where people are bedazzled and moved by the intricacies and imagination evoked by that which is perhaps overlooked. The beauty of architecture, literature, clothing, music, dances, theatre, history, religion, philosophy, elegance, love.
That which society leaves in the dark.
Goths are those which society leaves in the dark.

Any Additional comments: Here are quotes from songs that may help non-Goths to better understand Goths. [Just know that opinions & religions vary from Goth to Goth, and that it is a very diverse subculture. The songs quoted are from the post-millennium era.]


from Jesus of Suburbia by Green Day
"I'm the son of rage and love: The Jesus of Suburbia... No one ever died for my sins in hell, as far as I can tell. At least the ones I got away with. But there's nothing wrong with me. This is how I'm supposed to be in a land of make believe, that don't believe in me. Get my television fix, sitting on my Crucifix: the living room in my private womb... To fall in love and fall in debt to alcohol and cigarettes and Mary Jane, to keep me insane and doing someone else's cocaine... At the center of the Earth, in the parking lot of the 7-11 where I was taught, the motto was just a lie. It says, "Home Is Where Your Heart Is," but what a shame, cuz everyone's heart doesn't beat the same. We're beating out of time. City of the Dead: at the end of another lost highway. Signs misleading to nowhere. City of the Damned: lost children with dirty faces. Today no one really seems to care. I read the graffiti in the bathroom stall, like the Holy Scriptures in a shopping mall, and so it seemed to confess. It didn't say much, but it only confirmed that the center of the Earth is the end of the world... Dearly beloved, are you listening?... Are we demented, or am I disturbed? The space that's in between insane and insecure... Nobody's perfect and I stand accused-for the lack of a better word-and that's my best excuse. To live and not to breathe, is to die in tragedy. To run, to run away, to find what you believe... I won't apologize when there ain't nowhere you can go..."


from To The End by My Chemical Romance
"He calls the mansion not a house, but a tomb. He's always choking from the stench and the fume... He's not around; he's always looking at men. Down by the pool, he doesn't have many friends, as they are face down and bloated... She keeps a picture of the body she lends. Got nasty blisters from the money she spends. She's got a life of her own, and it shows by the Benz she drives at 90 by the Barbies and Kens. If you ever say, 'Never too late,' I'll forget all the diamonds you ate. Lost in coma and covered in cake. Increase the medication, share the vows at the wake. Kiss the bride... And say goodbye to the last parade. And walk away from the choice you made. And say goodnight to the hearts you break and all the cyanide you drank..."


from Only by Nine Inch Nails
"I’m becoming less defined as days go by; fading away. Well, you might say I’m losing focus. Kind of drifting in to the abstract, in terms of how I see myself. Sometimes I think I can see right through myself... Less concerned about fitting into the world. Your world, that is, because it doesn't even matter anymore... Yes, I'm alone. But then again, I always was, as far back as I can tell. I think maybe it's because you were never really real to begin with... I just made you up to hurt myself, and it worked... Well, the tinniest little dot caught my eye, and it turned out to be a scab and I had this funny feeling like I just knew it was something bad. I just couldn't leave it alone. Picking at that scab. It was a doorway trying to seal itself shut, but I climbed through..."


from Imaginary by Evanescence
"Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming. Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights. Oh, how I long for the deep sleep dreaming; the goddess of imaginary light. In my field of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby, I lie inside myself for hours and watch my purple sky fly over me... Let me stay where the wind will whisper to me, where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story. If you need to leave the world you live in, lay your head down and stay awhile. Though you may not remember dreaming, something waits for you to breathe again..."


from Dark Light by H.I.M. -
"Shivers run down the spine of hope, as she cries the poison tears of a life denied in the raven black night. Holding hands with Dark Light. Come shine in her lost heart tonight, and blind all fears that haunt her with your smile, Dark Light. In oblivion's garden, her body's on fire. Writhing towards the angel defiled, to learn how to die in peace with her God..."
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